Looking at hell in the rear view mirror

I can finally say that I am looking at hell in the rear view mirror. As I look back at everything that went on over the past 9 days things are becoming more clear. It is clear now that my husband was in a medically induced coma. I can say that now. I am so glad that they didn't use those terms with me a week ago. I don't think I could have handled it. I also see the severity of his pneumonia and adema as well as the dialysis. All of these are life threatening conditions, but at no time did I ever think I was going to lose my husband. At no time ever was I told that we were there. I always knew that this would be over..I just didn't know when. I also see that everything I did was medically necessary at the time in order to save my husband. In all actuality I never second guessed myself in the moment while talking to the doctor, it was always after while I was waiting for the procedure or while I was watching the machine do its job. In my heart I knew it was right, but when you are here for too long, or alone for a second with your thoughts your mind and heart play tricks on you. I do know that it was all the right thing to do. I do have to brag a little...during this time I was able to laugh, joke and have a little fun during the times I'd go down to the cafeteria or when I would go home. It was all so stressful, I wanted to be alone with my husband but I was not selfish with my time. As selfish as I want to be with my time with him I am sharing him with his family. Its funny that I feel selfish for wanting to spend time with him. Usually I want a little "me" time but right now all I want to do is spend time with him while he is awake and lucid. I hate to feel like I have to share him right now....I am sure that's how his parents feel too....it's just a huge ball of raw emotions mixed with stress and relief...that I am hoping doesn't blow up like a ball of dynamite. Ha! And if I do blow up like that....well it is well deserved! I've held it together this long....