telling the kids

We come home from MD Anderson to our home.  The kids are here waiting for us.  Our oldest knows that something is not right.  We sit everyone down.  I have the 9 year old and 6 year old in my lap and the 17 year old is sitting across from me.  I explain to them that the doctors have figured out what is wrong.  I remind them about the biopsy David had a week ago and explain that they were looking at the stuff inside the bones.  My 9 year old asks "you mean the meat inside the bones?"  Yes, exactly!  I go on to explain that there are some bad things in there that are making Daddy sick.  The doctors have some very strong medicine they are going to give Daddy but he has to go to the hospital to get it and that he will be there for 5 or 6 days.  My sweet girl starts to cry and runs to her daddy.  My 9 year old hugs me and my 17 year old sits there with a brave face with a single tear running down his face.

All I can think to my self is why??? why are my children the ones who have to go through this?? why?? Why ....that is something I will never understand!

I walk the little ones up to bed and sit with them for a little bit.  My 9 year old asks if his daddy is going to die from cancer.  Then he starts to cry.  I try to explain that leukeima is cancer, but it is a cancer that people live from and can be cured from.  It seems to help them a little...at least to get them to sleep.

I then go down to my 17 year old and tell him about all the things I am going to need from him.  This is a cruel fate for a 17 year old who is finishing his junior year.  To be told that your dad has cancer and now you are going to have to pick up the slack by helping with your younger brother and sister and help your mom deal with all of this...it is more than any 17 year old should have to deal with.

David and I try to get a good nights sleep.  We know that tomorrow is going to be a hard day.  We decide to let the kids sleep late so he can spend some time with them in the morning and that they will go to school late, before we head to the hospital.