a set back

We have just made it through our first week, our first weekend.... I am feeling good. I have a great schedule going and we can do this. We can get through this.....then because I got to comfortable too quick....set back hits.... FEVER. And not just a little 99.9 fever. No a big whopping 102.5 fever. Hot damn here we go back to MD Anderson ER. we arrive at the ER and they put us in a room and give David 2 Tylenol and leave us for hours.we are in there and see the doctor who tells us David hAs a neutropenia fever....ok. Fix it!!! We sit for hours and hours and hours..... They pump in all kinds of antibiotics into him. The fever won't come down. They are going to be admitting him but won't send him upstairs til he gets a platelet transfusion...he can't get a transfusion until he doesn't have a fever. We are going to be here a long time. It is Sunday's night. We left the house at 1:30 in the afternoon and it is now ten at night. The kids have been alone all day and I have ago go to work the next day. I call my in laws and ask some one to come and sit with david in the ER and with him til he gets a room. I finally get home around 1130 and David gets a room about the same time. It has a been a long day and it is going to be a long week. Tips is a busy week for the kids and I feel awful because david didn't have clothes and I couldn't get bck out to the hospital til Wednesday..... So my mother in law did Tuesday. The kids and I went on Wednesday and took David his a clothes. David and I have dinner together on Thursday night and his brother brought holm home on Friday. Tat afternoon...he got home around 3:00. I had to send the kids home without me becase I had to stay at work for a staff retreat. David gets home and ends up having a bunch of visitors, along with the kids...it ended up being a total of 9 people in my house wanting to hang out with david cuz he is home from the hospital. Althoughitotally appreciate how much everyone wa excited to see him... I was fuming at work. He did not need to have all of that going on after he'd been in he hospital fighting an infection after a week. I arrive at home and say good bye to the last three people and come intohelpdaivd get situations, I realize that he has a fever AGAIN. I give David some Tylenol and tell him if it doesn't work in an hour I'm taking him back o the ER. he falls asleep and I collapses on th efloor sobbing and before I now tilt I have these strong arms wrapped around me. They are acomforting me and telling me that it is going to be ok. It takes me a minute to register....this is my 17 year old comforting me. Making me feel better trying to make me feel safe. Once this registers I pull it together. I will not fall apart in front of my kids. I get it together and go to check on daid and ahis fever is coming down....I breathe a sigh of relief and go on with my Sunday evening. Even though I do all my normal Sunday night stuff..in the back of my head I can't help but think about the cards I've been dealt. I know that I am not the one with poison running through my boast. I am not the one who looks pale. I'm not the one who is nauseous all the time. I'm not the one who has to go to the hospital evey other day. I am not the one who has been told they cant go to work. I'm just the spouse, I'm just the care girder. I'm the one who gets all the calls. I'm the one who has make share that things at home are running smooth. I'm the one who has to keep the kids going. I'm the glue that is keeping this shit together. Omg....too much. I'm on over load. I am going to need to find a way to get through this.