My Strength

Where does our strength come from? How is one person stronger than the other? How does one persons strength show and another's doesn't?
Throughout the past four or five months people have been telling me how strong I am. Or they ask me how I can be so strong. I had no idea where it came from nor do I feel strong. It is weird...I just have this over coming feeling that all is ok and i have a peace about the whole thing. I have never understood it and I just figured that it was just the way I was made. That I am good under pressure and able to handle the hard stuff.
Well, today at church it became clear to me. The guest pastor was telling us a story about one of his parishioners .....then it was like he was talking to me.... "Through the darkest moments, the peace and strength you feel is God there with you." ..... It hit me like lightening..this entire time I have had Him with me.
Months ago, I met a little boy, Jackson Godwin. A sweet boy who was here at MDA getting treatment. We exchanged bracelets..I gave him my Just Pruitt bracelet and he gave me his "God is big enough.". I have worn that bracelet everyday...I have gained my strength knowing that this sweet 8 year old gave me his bracelets. I've been praying for him and David....and now I got it re-affirmed that He is with me. Some how it made it easier today. It just explained how I've been able to get through all of this, how I have a calm inner peace about this entire thing.
He is with me and I trust Him!!

It's almost here

It's almost here...transplant time is almost here. As it approaches I am having difficulty....not with the situation, not with the transplant, not with trying to juggle everything.... But I'm having difficulty knowing that I can't be there to help David through all that he needs. When I'm with the kids or at work he will be at the hospital either alone or with his family. And as lucky as we are to have them to sit with him while I have to work......it's not the same.
Something else that has been hard...is that most people look at me like they feel sorry for me. They don't know what to say so they smile with this look in their eyes.
I don't know why this has happened to us. I don't understand it. But I know there is a plan . I trust that this is the right place and right time for things no matter how hard. I wish every one could find thy peace with our situation. I can't fix how everyone feels, nor will I. But I have to help the kids, David and myself.... That is my priority. I can't help you through your journey. I can't help you understand.
My journey and path through this are different than yours. We all handle things differently. Somedays I'm going to be sad or angry or short....but this is my journey...my way of dealing with this. You are not in my shoes nor are you walking in my shoes so you don't know how I feel or what I'm going through. Everyone's situation is different . No two situations are the same....we can not compare them. We can only get through the day one day at a time.
So with all that being said..... If I am short or don't feel like talking.... Don't take it personally...don't think I'm callous...know I am getting through the day the best that I can. If I don't want to spend time with you....know I just need some space. Nothing over the next few months is about anyone but David, the kids and me.